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    Float: A Grandma Learns to Swim


    [mellow music]

    [birds chirping] [water gurgling]

    This feels so nice. It does.

    [water gurgling] [birds chirping]

    Good girl, no stomach aches, no nothings.

    [Carol indistinctly chatting]

    Wait, so now I’m sitting, wait-

    [Carol] What if you have to hold the phone?

    Okay, hush a minute and let me tell you,

    all the years I used to read on the toilet.

    [Caryl] Yeah, with your head down.

    My head bent down. Exactly.

    See Tinky’s-

    I got to drink my coffee fast, Carol, hold on.

    Tinky’s looking at me, so give me a minute.

    [bell dinging]

    [grunting] [cup clanging]

    Okay.

    [mellow music]

    That’s her little Starbucks.

    Every morning she waits for it.

    [Caryl indistinctly chatting] [cup scrapping]

    Caryl Ann, do you realize all we spoke about

    for the last 10 minutes or 15 minutes is,

    this hurts, that hurts, we need to-

    [Carol] No, no.

    We spoke about food.

    Okay.

    Got it. Everything is an attitude, we can’t act old.

    [mellow music]

    [loud snapping]

    [Azza] You could start by introducing yourself.

    Well, you want me to talk about how old people are?

    I’ve got a couple things to give you.

    I can show you Jewish arms.

    You know those.

    Hangy buzzies,

    varicose veins,

    wrinkles.

    Uh no, wrinkles and under eye

    whatevers.

    And can I tell you, it’s all been fun.

    It’s wonderful.

    There should be less

    importance to how one looks,

    rather than how one has lived.

    [pills jingling]

    [light tapping]

    [glass thumping]

    All healthy now.

    Sit and eat.

    [mellow music]

    Tink you’re a movie star.

    Why are you filming me?

    [Azza] Because you’re cute.

    Yeah.

    If I would’ve known that you’re going to film me

    I would’ve shaved and cut the hairs in my nose.

    [quick beeping]

    Oh,

    I need somebody with muscles.

    [Azza] Okay, hold on. Hold on.

    Oi.

    [soft rustling]

    [Azza] Here.

    [laughing]

    [Azza] What do you-

    What’s on your bucket list

    for the rest of your life?

    As I told you at lunch,

    these are the things I want to do before I die,

    I want to ride a two-wheeler bike

    and I want to learn how to swim.

    And hears that my mischief grandchildren,

    they swim in the ocean in Puerto Rico

    and nobody, and my son-in-law’s, a master swimmer

    and Jackee, my daughter,

    comes here and swims in the pool in Scottsdale,

    50 laps back and forth

    and not one of them taught their Bubbe how to swim.

    Okay, tell me what to do.

    Pull it up?

    [Azza] Mm-hm.

    Okay. Do you see a little tushy crack?

    [Azza] I’m not getting your tush.

    You could get it, with my love handles.

    Got it?

    Okay. – It’s okay.

    We’re doing this, The real McCoy.

    The only thing is I never had this bathing suit on,

    I’ve got to see how it fits.

    [Azza] Mm-hm.

    This is a day, a very important day in my life,

    very important.

    [Azza] Why?

    Because when I was young,

    I was very busy doing everything for everybody else

    and I never took care of myself in my day

    and I never had parents that exercised,

    because they were busy working,

    they were first generation European

    so they didn’t know from exercise,

    they knew from going to work every day,

    putting a roof over our heads and having food on the table.

    So, until I had my own kids

    and then I saw them exercising

    and running and doing and lifting and whatever they do,

    and then yogaing and whatnot.

    So I saw, I have to take care of myself too,

    but I still didn’t.

    Now, all of a sudden

    that I’m

    going to be 82,

    please God, I should live till the 11th of February,

    I’m on a kick.

    I’ve had enough stuff wrong with me

    to understand I have to take care.

    I look like Kid Rock.

    [light slapping] [laughing]

    Don’t I?

    Yes.

    [laughing]

    This is the hat.

    [door thumping]

    Yeah

    Somebody’s got to-

    It doesn’t work really good but at least it’s-

    No, it has to be much tighter.

    Could somebody help me?

    I’m sorry.

    Because you all ready got-

    Woops a daisy.

    [Azza] Okay, stay right there.

    [Velcro ripping]

    I got it too big,

    I got a medium and I should have gotten a smaller-

    Okay, I’m pulling it.

    Is that too tight?

    No. Yes. – Good?

    Yes. Just like that.

    Like that?

    Okay. Is that good?

    [Judy] Good.

    Okay.

    Honey, my thumbs don’t work great. Yeah.

    [light rustling]

    Oh, you want me to get this zipped up?

    This is going to be a joke and a half.

    [zipper zipping]

    [laughing]

    [zipper zipping]

    Oh, that was pretty good.

    Oh!

    Honey, this isn’t me, whoever’s looking,

    this is the bathing suit ruffle underneath this suit.

    Okay, get ready for the Tink,

    she thinks she’s coming with.

    We got to have somebody drowned in the pool

    and Bubbe’s going to jump in and save them!

    Yes, take them and swim with one hand on my back. Yes.

    [chuckling] God, I’m nuts.

    I.

    [birds chirping]

    [water gurgling] [birds chirping]

    [Swim Instructor] Can you point your toes

    and then flex your toes?

    So point, yep, flex, now point.

    Flex.

    Point.

    Flex.

    Point.

    [birds chirping]

    [water cascading]

    [Judy] You cover your head

    so that you always know someone is above you.

    [speaking Hebrew]

    [Azza] Are you not scared of dying?

    No, I’m not.

    What I’m afraid of is, like my daddy, aleha ha-shalom,

    I don’t want to die in a hospital hooked up to crap.

    Take that word out!

    To all the

    stuffs, that I don’t want. I’m not afraid.

    I just want peace and quiet and that’s all.

    No, I’m not afraid of dying.

    However,

    from what I hear,

    I’m a k’nocker now, ’cause I’m sitting here and I’m healthy,

    wait till I’m waiting on my last breath,

    you’ll ask me again, I may change my answer.

    [water splashing]

    All right.

    [water splashing]

    All right, you can stop. – Was that 10,

    I forgot. – That was more than 10.

    That was good.

    Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.

    Kick hard.

    Really hard.

    [water gurgling]

    Ah.

    I’m arching my back. – That’s okay.

    You’re floating.

    And my feet are hanging down.

    It’s okay. You can stick your

    feet up more. – But I’m still floating.

    You’re floating.

    You’re floating.

    Floating feels like,

    like nothing.

    Like nothing.

    Like nothing.

    Like I’m almost in

    a cloud.

    Nothing.

    Nothing hurts.

    You don’t feel anything.

    It’s just-

    [water splashing]

    [laughing]

    You can put your towel on.

    [laughing]

    Ee!

    A ha!

    [laughing]

    I don’t know what to cover up first.

    [laughing]

    [Tink snorting and sighing]

    Uh oh, my hearing aid just went off.

    [laughing]

    I just heard it. – Is it buzzing?

    I need a new battery. – Is it buzzing?

    [laughing]

    I love that we’re so old.

    [Carol] Did you hear the new thing,

    Medicare’s going to be paying for-

    No, I don’t have that kind of Medicare.

    [Carol] What kind is it?

    [Judy] I don’t know. Do I know?

    I wouldn’t know if it hit me in the eye.

    David takes care of all that stuff.

    [Carol] Okay.

    Boy, if we had that kind of Medicare,

    would I have the most gorgeous mouth

    and teeth you ever saw in your life?

    [Carol] I have tee-

    I have dental and I-

    I know. And I don’t have any of that.

    [Carol] I know.

    Nothing, no vision.

    And she told me it’s 8,000- – I know.

    Wait- – And I don’t pay premiums.

    You’re not listening.

    8,000- – ‘Cause they don’t pay-

    Listen.

    [Carol] You froze.

    You’re freezing. I can’t hear you.

    $8,000

    for titanium

    ears.

    [Carol] Oh my God. – Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

    You have to get my age to appreciate your age

    and that’s a pity.

    You have to get older to realize

    how many years you wasted.

    [mellow music]

    [water splashing]

    There you go.

    Nice job.

    Okay.

    How did that feel?

    I have a newfound admiration for you

    because,

    even as we’re sitting right now,

    I feel nervous about being filmed.

    And you- – Not me.

    And you are never nervous.

    Why are you nervous?

    Because, you know,

    I’m in a bathing suit

    But look at- – And now I know

    what it feels like

    to be in nervous bathing suit- – She’s nervous and then

    are you look at this? – In front of a camera.

    I know. – Oh my God.

    That’s one of the good things about getting older.

    Go ahead, sing, sing, sing.

    ♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪

    ♪ Happy birthday- ♪ [laughing]

    My voice is not good.

    Okay. We know your heart’s

    in the right place. – All right, I love you.

    And you mean it.

    [loud smooching]

    82 and many, many, many more,

    please God, for both of us.

    You’re starting a bonfire here.

    It’s okay. I’m going to blow out now.

    I’m going to hope I don’t spit all over the cake.

    [laughing]

    [light blowing]

    [mellow music]

    Can I eat this? – Okay.

    We’re going to cut it like this.

    [mellow music]

    Pops, you get the first-

    Well.

    No, just cut-

    We’ll share a piece.

    Here’s the woman

    and the woman could have a little bit of this too.

    Yeah.

    Yeah.

    This is the Tinket. – Oh, she’s going nuts.

    That’s okay. This is my Tink.

    [David] Love you.

    [Judy] Well, say it some more

    [David] You’re supposed to say, I love you too.

    [Judy] Oh.

    [laughing]

    [mellow music] [water gurging]

    [mellow music] [indistinct chattering]

    [water splashing]

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